Sunday, July 27, 2014

He's Gone and I'm Mad At God!

In recent months, so many loved ones have passed away.  Not only my friends and family but the loved ones of those I know.  It's heart breaking to hear of another friend that's lost someone near and dear to their hearts.  Until you've lost someone close (especially a parent), you can never understand the grief that one feels during that season of life.  Unfortunately I've lost a parent and it's a "club" I never wanted to join.

I was always a daddy's girl.  My dad was my hero.  When he became ill, it rocked my world.  I had to move from believing God was a healer to knowing without a shadow of a doubt that He was my father's healer.  God showed His awesome power, time and time again during dad's health challenges.  That's why when he passed away, it was devastating.

I was mad at God.

We prayed, we believed, we fasted and he passed away.  Even though God  worked miracles in dad's body in the past, right now, he was gone and my world was turned upside down.  As soon as we started sharing with others that dad died, people from all around called and provided words of encouragement.  I was so mad, those words didn't really encourage.  It wasn't their dad gone.  They weren't feeling my grief so I really didn't want to hear what they had to say.  I know that sounds harsh but it was the raw emotion of the moment.

I was still mad at God.

My journal excerpt:

"As we entered the church, I saw all of the people and became overwhelmed.  I didn't know how to handle it.  I felt myself beginning to cry and hyperventilate.  I tried to breath in and out deeply to prevent myself from falling out.  As we drew closer to the casket, my eyes were cloudy from the tears.  I couldn't believe that I had to sit on the front row.  I'd seen this image so many times before but this time it was my reality.  My heart was saddened.  I felt empty.  Family members passed by and I still could not see out of my eyes.  I put my head in my hands because of the intense grief I felt at that time. 
The service progressed and suddenly my soul just became happy when the choir sang.  I had made the first step toward accepting my father's death and coming to peace with it."

I would still have some long days and nights moving through the grieving process.  The key was to move through it.  Not remain stuck.  Months after his death, I shared my disappointment and hurt with a family friend.  The words she shared in response changed my life forever.  She quickly reminded me that God provided divine healing for daddy.  When we pray for healing, we must always remember that God is sovereign.  We can't dictate to Him how or when he will manifest the healing in our loved ones lives.  Whether it's physical or divine healing, God is still the one healing.  Remember, God is always able to heal.  More importantly, He's also willing.  (Posted by Renee)


Psalms 23:4
 "Yes, even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not be afraid of anything, because You are with me. You have a walking stick with which to guide and one with which to help. These comfort me."

Lamentations 3:31-33
“For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone.”

Psalm 30:5
“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”

Psalm 34:18
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 22:24
“For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.”


  1. Thanks for sharing Renee. Believe it or not I still deal with the lost of your dad. He was a mentor and great father figure to many of the youth of our home church. I always admired his class and love for his family and church family. He truly left a lasting impression and investment in the lives of my family and for that we are forever grateful to you two and your mom for sharing your selfless giant. Keep the faith and love you guys.

    1. Kamia, your words are so precious. I'm so happy you took the time to share them. Stories like yours truly help with the healing process that continues even today. Blessings!


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